Blue Pill, Red Pill
by Frgtyou
Summary: "He blinks, shakes, and breathes. The cycle repeats. And then he realizes that it's all real." Short sequel to Wild World. ONE-SHOT.


**A/N: **So before you read this, I recommend you read my other fic.** Wild World** if you haven't. This is sort of a short sequel. This was inspired by a particular scene in **The Matrix **and also** AHS**. A **_review_** would be like a Christmas present.

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><p><em>Wake up.<em>

Eli is lying on his bed and beads of sweat are sliding down his face. He can't see a thing. He thinks it's a dream because he can't feel anything.

He blinks, shakes, and breathes. The cycle repeats. And then he realizes that it's all real. He doesn't do anything about it though. He just stays there and stares at the ceiling because he can't sleep. His hand travels to his hips and he can feel his bones. The smell of dirty laundry is palpable and in the back of his mind, he is persuading himself to do something about it.

_Idiot_..._Idiot_. He winces once he remembers why he feels numb. He scratches his has erratically, hoping that it will scare the memory away. Eli knows there's no point in doing this, but he doesn't care. He's desperate.

"Are you sad again?"

He's hearing her voice but he doesn't see her.

Eli doesn't think that this makes him crazy. Everyone does this—they imagine someone there with them when they're lonely. Kids even do it as well with an imaginary friend. It's understandable too. An oblivious imagination is much more pleasing than a physical reality. Except, Clare isn't imaginary. She's real.

"I can't sleep," Eli worriedly whispers, "don't leave me,"

"You left me." says Clare sadly.

"Sorry, sorry." breathes Eli.

"Eli." says Clare, "I miss you too. I have...for a long time,"

"I know, I know...I missed you too," Eli puts his hands over his face and groans, "so fucking much. It hurts even more now."

"_How frail the human heart must be_—_a mirrored pool of thought_."

"Plath," says Eli with hope, and he blinks his eyes for only a second.

When he opens them the room feels colder and he can't hear Clare's voice anymore.

**X**

Eli vaguely remembers the way his life was before, but he clearly reflects to moments with her. He smiles a little when he hears her laughter in the back of his mind, but he frowns when he realizes that she's not by his side.

One day, he chose to abandon what was good in the world. Eli knows it's his fault and he knows he should forget about her. It was the first thing on his mind ever since he said goodbye.

Adam doesn't say much anymore. A part of Eli believes that Adam blames him, and he's beginning to believe it too. He killed her. He destroyed what he loved, what he never acknowledged. It all fucking hurts.

Then he looks in the mirror and he see that he is suddenly crying.

His eyes begin to feel heavy and his head is throbbing with pain, but Eli ignores it. He doesn't mind the physical pain because it's only for a moment that will eventually ebb away. The other pain he feels stays for too long.

He's afraid. He's worried that this is something that won't ever go away because he begins to think of how it must have been for her. His conscious is beating him and he can't take it any longer. He wants to live peacefully.

When Eli gets out of bed, he walks to the door. His mind feels dense, his breathing is uneven, and his vision blurs with black. He collapses to the ground and he is in great despair.

It is a crippling pain that radiates from his Adam's apple to his chest.

**X**

The doctor is a round and short man who doesn't speak much unless it's about what he's there for.

"Fuck," Eli gasps.

"Stand up,"

When Eli does, he falls to the ground and screams.

"Aha," says the doctor, "I know what's wrong."

"I don't care what I have, just do your job and make it go away!" Eli cries hysterically with impatience as his pain grows more difficult to tolerate.

The doctor rummages through his bag and places it next to Eli. He scratches his chin anxiously after some while and kneels down to Eli's side holding two different bottles of pills in each hand.

He raises one and looks at Eli in the eye.

"The red pill," the doctor began "It searches for that pain within and converts that entire emotional burden into a sharp, physical pain."

"And the blue?"

"_Blue_? Painkiller."

"I don't care which one, just make it go away." groans Eli.

The doctor gives a sad smile, "Let's give it a try."

**X**

Eli misses Clare terribly. He misses her painfully. He regrets every second since he went to bed and woke up without her. He was blithely unaware of how empty life would be without her. He thought that if he could live life without her before, things would be possible after. But he doesn't understand the logic behind that because he doesn't want to understand, all he wants is Clare. But she's dead. And saying it hurts too much. Accepting it is terrible. The red pill hurts as much as it would without it; the blue pill does nothing. They make a fool out of him.

One.

Three.

Five pills later, Eli closes his eyes and he goes to sleep on the ground. He smiles a little with tears flowing out of his eyes and he knows his breathing is uneven once again. It's a moment when everything is beautiful, but he can't feel it. He feels as if he is floating on cold water.

Then everything is black and nothing is clear.

**X**

"Please be okay, oh God, wake up,"

Eli opens his eyes; he is not facing the ground anymore. He is on his bed that smells like roses. He notes that it has clean sheets. Clare is looking down at him. Her face seems different; she looks worried with pools of tears in her eyes. But she's still beautiful.

"I'm dreaming,"

"No, Eli. This is real," Clare whispers and runs her hand through his hair.

"You're not real," Eli hoarsely replies.

Clare gives a sad smile.

Eli can feel her hands and her touch, and it makes him scared. He grabs her hand and kisses it, he squeezes it, he caresses the soft skin, and he interlaces it with his own fingers. But he knows it will only last for a moment.

"I'm here, Eli. I'm here for you," Clare hums.

Eli is tired. He is finally sleepy, but he doesn't want to sleep.

He can feel hope and it awakens him.

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><p><strong>AN:** Just to answer any sort of confusion, Clare is either a ghost or a figment of Eli's imagination. Whichever makes you feel more comfortable...


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